English is Fun

84 Ways to Know If You're Chinese... 84 種方法檢驗是否道地的中國人

1.  You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.
很小心撥開聖誕禮物的包裝，以免把包裝紙弄壞不能再用。

2.  You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
你父母過了聖誕節去搶購打對折的信聖誕卡。

3.  When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
你父母趁大減價時買一百捲衛生紙，不是放在衣櫥裡，就是放在離家上大學的小孩房裡。  

4.  You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
你家廚房餐桌上鋪上塑膠桌布。

5.  Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
你家的爐子上鋪了防油的鋁箔紙。

6.  Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
你家的廚房裡到處都是油膩黏黏的。

7.  You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
你家的冰箱至今還放了冰箱啟用時就放進來的東西。

8.  You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
你父母把洗碗機當成碗碟放置架。

9.  You have never used your dishwasher.
你家從不用洗碗機洗碗。

10.  You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
你家廚房裡經常放者裝滿熱水的熱水瓶。

11.   You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
你父母一定要把水煮開然後放進冰箱裡。

12.  You eat all meals in the kitchen.
你家向來在廚房吃飯。

13.   You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
你被要求保留所有的超級市場購物袋、用過的錫箔紙和瓶瓶罐罐。  

14.  You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
你家用超市購物袋裝垃圾。

15. You always leave your shoes at the door.
你家人進門後一定把鞋脫下留在門口。

16.  You have a piano in your living room.
你家的鋼琴一定放在客廳。

17.  Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
你父母會擤鼻涕不沾到手。

18.   You iron your own shirts.
你得自己燙衣服。

19.    You play a musical instrument.
你一定要學會一樣樂器。

20.   You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
你會在餐桌上剔牙（用手遮住嘴巴）。

21.               You twirl your pen around your fingers.
你喜歡無意識地用手指旋轉手中的筆。

22.   You hate to waste food ：
你最討厭浪費食物：

a.     Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw awaythe leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
即使已經快吃撐了，只要桌上有剩餘的食物不吃就得丟掉，你父母就會要求你吃掉，不然他們吃掉。  

b. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
你家冰箱裡經常有一晚被人吃過三口的剩飯或餐館帶回來的雞翅膀。  

23. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used  but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
你家不會買貨真價實的微波爐餐具，代替品是洗乾淨的牛油盒、速食店外帶的餐盒、或者空果醬瓶。  

23.   You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. 你童年時一定用過充當玻璃杯的果醬瓶當水杯。

24.  You 've eaten  ared bean psopsicle. 
你曾經吃過家裏自製的冰棒。

25.  You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes.
你父母要求你拜訪朋友或長輩時要帶橘子或其他水果為禮。

26. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. 你家浴室裡有用不完的瓶裝迷你洗髮精，都是出差或度假時從旅館帶回來的。  

27.  The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
你家用的不是去量販店買超大型包裝的調味品，就是去速食店吃東西時省下或偷來的超小型包裝調味品。  

28.  Ditto paper napkins.
餐巾紙也以一樣的方式取得。

29.  You never order room service.
你家出門度假住旅館絕不叫餐到房。

30.  You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)...These travel snacks are always dried. in not just dried plums, dried ginger, and beef/pork jerky, but dried cuttlefish (SQUID).
當你全家出門度假時（指車程超過十五分鐘的地點），所有的點心都是乾的，不只是乾的梅子、乾的薑片、乾的豬肉牛肉、甚至連魷魚也是乾的。  

31.  You own a rice cooker.
你家有一個大同電鍋。

32.  You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
你被要求米下鍋煮成飯前得用兩三盆水洗過。

33.   You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
進餐時你習慣把骨頭和其他不能吞下的食物藏在碗盤的角落。

34.  Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests just brought just to be courteous.
你父母絕不讓小孩打開客人在過年拜訪所送的巧克力金幣。

35.  You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
進餐完畢你會和客人搶著付帳。

36.  Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
你爸爸自認能修理所有的東西。

37.   You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
你在大學裡一定主修工程、醫學和法律等實用的科目。

38.  When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
當你參加一個舞會時，一定有一票中國男生聚成一堆裝得很酷的樣子。  

39.  You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.
你到了三十歲還跟父母住在一起，因為他們期望你這樣做，假如你結婚了，你一定住在附近。  

40.  You don't use measuring cups.
你父母烹調時一定不用量杯。

41.   You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.
當你不用付很多稅的時候，反而覺得自己富有。

42.   You beat eggs with chopsticks.
你不用打蛋器而用快子打蛋。

43.  Your parents' house is always cold.
冬天你父母家的溫度一定比洋人低。

44.  You have a teacup with a cover on it.
你父母用的茶杯一定有一個杯蓋。

45.  You reuse teabags.
在你家茶袋也是回收再用品。

46.  You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write  anymore. 你家裡一定有一個抽屜裡面放了幾十支寫不出墨水的筆。

47. If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.
假如你未滿二十歲，你一定有一個很貴的隨身聽，假如你年齡在二十歲以上，你一定擁有一部昂貴的照相機。  

48.  Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.
你媽老是開著她的賓士車去量販店採買。

49. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.
你寧願花十分鐘在電話簿裡找一個電話，也不願花五毛錢請查號台幫你找。  

50. You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
如果送披薩餅的或餐廳侍者是中國人，你小費會多給一點。

51.  You're a wok user.
你廚房的烤箱裡一定放者一個「鑊」。

52.  You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
你睏死也要捱到十一點才打長途電話。

53.  You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurants.
你認識所有常去的中國館子裡的每一個侍者。

54.  You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions:
你喜歡沒有字幕的中國電影。

a.  You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
你喜歡中國武俠片。

b.  Shao Lin and Wu Tang actually mean something to you. 你分不出少林和武當功夫的差別。

55.   You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
你對苦瓜的味道情有獨鍾。

56.  You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
你最愛皮蛋瘦肉粥。

57. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.
你吃蝦時喜歡連頭帶爪，這樣才表示夠新鮮。

58.  You never call your parents just to say hi.
你從不直接叫「爸」、「媽」，只叫「 Hi! 」

59.  You always cook too much.
你準備的食物分量永遠超過實際的需要。

60.  If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
假如你沒有和父母住在一起，當他們打電話給你的時候，儘管是半夜了，他們的第一句話一定是，你吃過了沒有。

61.  Also, if you don't live at home, your parents always want you to come home.
假如你沒有和父母住在一起，他們希望你常回家。

62.  Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick.
當你感冒時，你父母一定不讓你出門，而且煮中藥給你吃。

63.  When you're sick, they also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they produce hot air.
當你感冒時，你父母一定不讓你吃油炸食物，因為有「火氣」。

64.  You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.
你喜歡在上班時「伊媚兒」給你的中國朋友，甚至她就坐在你旁邊。  

65.  Your parents never go to the movies. 你父母親從不出去看電影。

66.  Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
你父母親會寄錢接濟在中國大陸的親友。

67.  You use a face cloth. 你家浴室裡每人有一塊專屬洗臉毛巾。

68.  Your parents use a clothes line.
你父母常在曬衣繩上晾曬衣服。

69.   You're always late.
你有遲到的習慣。

70.  You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.
你會注意把碗裡的最後一顆飯粒吃掉，但卻不把盤子裡的菜先吃光。  

71.   You starve yourself before going to all you can eat sushi.
在赴「吃到飽」的餐聚之前，你會先餓自己一餐。

72.  You've joined a CD club at least once.
你至少加入過一個唱片俱樂部。

73.  You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
你總是認識一些人他會告訴你哪裡可以買到最便宜的珠寶和電器。  

74. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
你從不向父母提及自己的羅曼史。

75.  Your parents are never happy with your grades.
你父母永遠認為你可以考得更好。

76. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.
你總認為你留下來的可樂瓶，有一天會變為古董。

77.  You keep used batteries.
你無意識地保存用過的電池。

78.  You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
你父母有一把常用的切肉菜刀，而且經常磨利它。

79.  You keep most of your money in a savings account.
你會大部分的儲蓄放在銀行裡。

80. You know what MJ means.
你知道 MJ 就是牌友們對「麻將」的簡稱。

81.  You've been on the Love Boat or know someone who has.
你自己或你的朋友曾經參加過專門配對的台灣「海外青年研習營」。  

82.  Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
你有本事把牙膏擠得像紙一樣薄。

84. You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.
你看到這篇「妙文」後會迫不及待的傳給所有中國朋友。